Endings and Beginnings

I moved out of my apartment today fully. Cleaned the walls, scraped the bathroom floor, did the whole nine yards. I even cleaned the carpet with a carpet cleaner I got. It is interesting that so much is coming within this move, it's not just one old apartment to another one. My reality has been put before me this week, a perspective that I have not had in three years and a feeling that I know will get better with time but for now I must sit, wait, be patient, and hope.

When you are found so deeply in what you do instead of who you and you no longer have what you do life gets really tough. You begin to see that your self worth comes from something it should not. You find that your inner core and the peace you thought you had is not your true state. It's not that you have been untrue to the world around you or even to yourself but you were unaware. The first step to wholeness in this matter is awareness. I am headed up the right path it's just a long one maybe, or maybe it will be short. Of course my desire is the short one but I refuse to miss out on this journey.

Thank you to the small voice inside of my soul that speaks lots of truth into me during this moments. I am thankful that I have a God who really deeply cares about who I am becoming.

Informative blog on paradigms

Hey Everyone! Apart of my job as a program manager is putting together training material for mentors for further training in leadership development and self awareness.

Today I have been working on paradigms and this is a piece of what I did today.

Ways to describe or define a paradigm (from uc-riverside's website)

• a mental model
• a way of seeing
• a filter for one's perceptions
• a frame of reference
• a framework of thought or beliefs through which one's world or reality is interpreted
• an example used to define a phenomenon
• a commonly held belief among a group of people, such as scientists of a given discipline

Sometimes people come to a place in their life where their mental model or way of seeing is not working for them. Their reality is not a true one. I am still working on ways to identify healthy paradigms and unhealthy paradigms. The thing that is at the center of you is usually the thing that defines your paradigm. Sometimes we are in need for a paradigm shift and Stephen Covey talks about a paradigm shift that happened from this story.

He was traveling in a subway, a man gets in with his two sons, the sons are running all over the place bothering the people, this continues, so he finally gets irritated enough to ask the father why he doesn't do something to control his kids. The father replies, "We just got back from the hospital where their mother died. I don't know how to handle it and I guess they don't either."

He had no idea what was going on in this mans life but he was annoyed. We have to consider those around us and where they are coming from which begins and ends with paradigms. So to all my friends, think about this because it helps you to become more aware.

Longing to really have roots

Conversation after conversation this week I have realized finally what i have already known. I am longing for connection, for roots, for people who really know me. It takes time to build relationships that would last a life time. How unique would something be if it grew in a day or in a month? I am not sure that I can get my thoughts out tonight in the way that I want to. I hope to one day be able to call where I am at home. I hope to stick things out through the hard days when the feeling of alone is the only thing I know. I hope to find hope like I have never found it before. I hope to see my dreams come to pass and really build on things.

One day, I promise one day it will happen. I have hope.