define me not

longing to find peace in a world that seems like the wind shifts every other second. the wind shifts you in ways that you never thought you would go. you understand at certain points and move forward and then others you step back and crash. you hear voices that are familiar and you are comforted. the voice of a friend who sings over you in the midst of chaos. you hear peace, joy and the love of someone who believes in you. when nothing and no one seems familiar, when you can't seem to understand why you did what you did a voice pipes in and reminds of you his calling. he says to you who you are and speaks to the deepest parts of you. he says that you are loved, cherished, and above all chosen to do great and amazing things beyond your capacity. you find hope in the fact that he defines you. you can't see it or touch it but you truly call feel him and hear him. you feel crazy sometimes when you seat before the invisible in sobbing tears wondering if you will be answered, comforted, or maybe even heard. you trust although sometimes you can't trust anything, you desire to see clearly the way you are and the way others are. your soul craves to belong, to fit somewhere, to understand, but to live in each moment regardless of how your circumstances are. you again remind yourself of what you are defined by.

Learning about leadership

I come across things each day where I can choose to lead or to follow. I want to always position myself as learner because thats what I am, someone on a journey figuring out things as I go along. I know myself well enough to know I can't sit in a classroom and expect things to come to me, I learn by doing and seeing. Most likely if you are close to me or I am close to you I am watching your life, learning from it and processing the way you do things.

I am reading two really good books right now, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership and The Seven Habits of Highly effective people. I am an external processor so getting things on paper is good for me. Here are some of the quotes that I am thinking a lot about.

"Leadership is influence." I totally agree with this, if you have influence in the lives of other people than they will follow you and you will lead them.

"But that process doesn't happen overnight. Leadership is complicated. It has many facets: respect, experience, emotional strength, people skills, discipline, vision, momentum, timing- the list goes on. As you can see, many factors that come into play in leadership are intangible."

"Successful leaders are learners. And the learning process is ongoing, a result of self-discipline and perseverance. The goal each day must be to get a little better, to build on the previous day's progress."

I feel as if I am coming across something in my life that I need more of, self discipline. I am asking for those around me to help with it as well as challenging myself. Larry Bird before school everyday would do 500 freethrows. Greatness did not just come to him, he had to work for it. I hope that my life consists of many moments where I can be great. For now I hope that each day I will become more and more of who I am suppose to be, fully human made in the image of the creator.

you are everything and more than you need to be

do you wish the stars would sing over you and speak to you who you are? do you understand the capacity that your life has so much potential for good and for evil? can you see past the hurt and the shame that was brought upon you as child and look forward into your adult years? what does your soul speak to you? what are the good things that you hear about yourself from people? do you ever wonder when you will stop doing the things you don't want to do and start doing the things you desire to do? do you have longings inside of you that can not find words for?

i do, i long to find answers and conclusions to all these...

Loved

So I moved to Berkeley six weeks ago and took my first trip back to Los Angeles this weekend. It was a really amazing weekend and I feel refueled. One thing I realized is "We all get lost to someone, someday. Let's not forget to love and allow love in." My friend Cynthia wrote this in her blog. There are people who are in your life for a season and then others for the entirety of it. You realize that you have to loose certain people and the constant that they are to you. Some people are there for you for a few months and others many years. I experience the feeling of loosing friends when I move and become closer with others when I leave. Space does good and bad for me. It may not be bad though, room for new people to take priority in my life not take someone elses place just time invested elsewhere. These sentences run together in my head and may not make since on paper. You do in some since get lost in someones world. They may not have you up close and personal, but they still care. Never forgot the people who have changed your life and ALWAYS be thankful that you met them, interacted for a bit, and as a result were changed forever.

Cheers to this crazy thing I continue to start over for.